The past couple of weeks have been rough, luckily school starts on Monday, so at least I have been able to sleep through some of it. The running turned to walking or the elliptical machine at the gym this week. It was just too hot and I didn't wake up early enough to beat the heat. The sickness has come back this week and along with it plenty of frustration and some tears. Although, Chris was very sweetly waiting for me with a wet washcloth at midnight the other night, which of course just made me cry harder.
Mostly the sickness is from eating which is something that I used to enjoy. I don't seem to be able to eat anything rich or prepared in a restaurant ---fast food or four star if it's fattening or full of salt like... french fries, Huey's cheeseburger, Fleming's Filet Mignon, or Memphis style barbeque...I can't seem to stomach it. It taste great going down but I end up paying for it later. I really thought this would happen later when my stomach is the size of a grapefruit. I am worried what I will eat then. As for the tears they are probably just a result of rising hormones and frustration about not feeling good. Chris asked me the other night if pregnancy was what I expected...and
of course my answer was no on so many levels.
The negative first:
I really expected to love every aspect of being pregnant, and that disappoints me.
I have been sick most of my pregnancy up to this point and have had few happy, energetic, feeling good days.
I find that I am worn out quickly and sore from any type of physical work.
And of course there is the occasional anxiety "Are we really mentally, physically, financially, and spiritually ready for this?"
The positives now...
I love my baby more than anything in this world and I am so excited to meet him.
We have a wonderful supportive family that will guide us through this process and we will learn a lot along the way.
I know that we are capable because if we weren't God would not have blessed us this way.
My hope is that all of this will be forgotten when I meet my first-born son.
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