The truth is..

The first 5 and half months of my son's life I walked around my home in a fog. I fed him, changed him, hugged him, kissed him, bounced him, read to him, rocked him, and played with him. By month four I even managed to clean my house a couple of times, and started doing laundry again. But still I was completely exhausted.

Sadly, I don't remember many conversations I had with family, and/or friends, and most of the time I remember just zoning out while people talked all around me. I cried once a week (usually on Fridays) after yet another week of feeling completely exhausted, unsure, and overwhelmed.

Luckily I wasn't alone, and it wasn't all bad. On Fridays, Chris would hug me and tell me it was going to be okay and that I was doing a good job. My best friend was always available by phone to cheer me up or listen to me vent. And my mom was here most days for a couple of hours to play with William if I needed a short break or a nap.

Magically, sometime during month 6 I woke up one day and just felt better. I was no longer walking around in a fog, and the exhaustion I felt seemed to subside. The truth is there is nothing I can pinpoint to explain the change. My baby still doesn't sleep much, and I haven't had more than 5 or 6 nights of 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep in over 6 months. I am the only one who feeds him, and I am the only one who puts him down to sleep. I haven't left him for longer than a few hours and I haven't had a day to myself in 6 months. I am a stay at home mom who does laundry, cooks (sometimes), cleans occasionally, and takes care of a baby 24 hours a day.

Call it what you want...new parent exhaustion, wacky hormones, postpartum depression,...who knows what it was? I am just glad to be out of it.

6 months old

My sweet baby boy, you are now 6 months old. You love to be on your tummy so much that as soon as I lay you down you immediately flip over. You sleep on your side or on your tummy with your fleece blanket wrapped between your fingers next to your face. You are so interested in everything that is going on around you. Your eyes are wide and it seems as if you are listening intently and taking everything in. You love music, going outside and watching the trees, and reading books. It is my pleasure and greatest joy to be with you as you experience this life. Your daddy and I love you so much.

Johnny Jumper

William loves his johnny jumper and his new cardinals hat his daddy got for him.